Junctions & dead ends.

Picture this scenario.

You've arrived in this world & have started your journey on a road called Life. There always comes a time in life where you'd meet a junction, or maybe several junctions. No way can you possibly split yourself to two or several parts to take them all right? So you gotta choose one. There are many possibilities in choosing one & not the other. But you can't help yourself into thinking, "What am I missing out if I don't take the other?". Sometimes curiosity kills the cat & you decide to go against your better judgement to explore, giving an excuse & saying it's a detour, you'll go back on track later. But what if you've gone too far into that detour & it's so far to turn back. And when you hit a dead end, you realize that you've just wasted so much time & effort on what's not the most important priorities in life. You turn around & try to find your way back to your main road. But the journey to leave the detour is out, because this detour has left your worn & weary. You tell yourself to keep going, but you can't help the feeling of giving up. You persevered on nonetheless & made it out with everything you have left & start back on the right path. Only to realize that you've hit a dead end yet again.

What do you do when this happens?

You think you made a mistake by taking a detour. You get yourself back on the right track only to find another dead end. Do you turn around & pick another direction? Or trying to find a way around that dead end in hopes that it's just an obstacle that's blocking you from getting to where you're heading?

Right now, I'm in a position in life where I don't know what I want. I don't know which junctions to take. I don't know what I'm suppose to do when I hit a dead end. I just don't know.

It's like I already have a map telling me where to go. But I can't seem to follow that map. Even with a map in hand, I'm feeling helplessly lost. I don't see this place I'm going, nor do I feel like going there. But I know that there's just no other way. Or is there?

What do you do when life throws you lemons?

Make lemonade right? Or bring out the salt & tequila & get wasted right? I've been there I've done that. Now what? What else can I do when life throws me lemons? Instead of making lemonade or getting drunk, can I take those lemons & sell them? Can I throw them back at someone else? Can I do something else with them? What what what?

I chose to take this junction. And now I've somewhat hit a dead end. What do I do now?

Why hello there.

Best thing about starting a new semester is that I always feel like I'm starting a new beginning again without having to wait for a new year. Reflecting oneself, setting resolutions & hoping for a better change.

Today's the first day of the new semester. And I've already managed to miss two tutorials for Photojournalism. Sighs! Came home during my 2hrs break & thought that maybe I could take a nap. When I woke up, like oh crappp! Totally missed the first one & the second one is ongoing. Was debating with myself whether to show up or not, then decided not to because both tutorials were back to back & it'd be so embarrassing to walk in after missing the first one. Which made me realize, the alarm clock my mum gave me does not work! As in like, literally it does not work because there's just doesn't ring. Sighs again.

My last semester results were okayy I guess. Could've done better but can't be feeling too disappointed since I studied last minute for every single subject. Just thank God that I didn't fail anything & that I faired quite okayy. First resolution for this semester, STUDY HARDER WORK HARDER to pull up my CGPA. Second resolution, SLEEP EARLY when I know very well I'm having 8am classes the next day. Third resolution, TRY MY BEST NOT TO SKIP CLASSES, especially lectures, no matter how boring it gets.

Remember that long list of things I wanna do during sembreak? I think I hardly even achieved any of it, especially the one going to the gym & eating healthily. LOL. On the other hand, I came back to Kampar 2wks before the semester started. Was working part time under Digi. Since this semester's pretty free for me, classes only from Monday to Wednesday, I thought I'd make the most of it & worked a little. Of course if I'm unable to cope with studying & working at the same time, then I'm gonna stop working & focus on my studies. Obviously, priority is given to uni & not Digi.

And totally out of the blue, I feel the need to help people who are in the same situation I was in because I understand how & what it feels like. I'd want so much not to have other people go through what I went through, but it's inevitable at times. So all I can do is help, & I most definitely would.

And another thing, I've decided to give up some things & move on from some people. Like they all say, some things are just really not worth the while. As for the people, I wouldn't say they weren't worth the while. They were worth something, but I guess a person can only take that much? I don't think it's necessary to have people who causes quite constant unhappiness, bitterness & frustration within you. Not that I'm saying I've never brought upon all those to other people. Just that now I understand why some people moved on away from me like how I should just move on away from some people. It's no one's fault. I guess it's just incompatibility? No idea what to call it, but I'm sure some of you would just get what I'm trying to say.

I realized that within the past semester, 4-5mths, I've made quite a number of acquaintances & a widespread connection of friends. But it only made me realize even more that all I need is just a handful of people I can truly trust, be honest with & whom I can depend on. Numbers count for nothing when it comes to this. Friendship or relationship, it's the quality that matters to me.

-out

What becomes of the broken-hearted.

Nobody knew that you sent me texts at night saying “Good night, I love you” or in the morning saying “Good morning, Beautiful. Did you sleep well?” Nobody understood why I fell for you, all they saw was the result: a broken heart.

Here's what I’m going to do. I’m going to stop dwelling. I’m going to stop watching the phone. I’m going to stop looking for you. I’m going to move on. I’m going to meet people. I’m going to live. I’m going to forget all the nights I spent wishing you were here. I’m going to forget the times that it was just us. I’m going to forget the things that shouldn’t have happened. I’m going to forget all the times I opened myself up to let you in, to only get hurt in return. I’m going to forget how I felt about you. Instead, I’m going to subconsciously wait. If you really want me, if you miss me, if you can’t breathe without me, you’ll know. You’ll ring. You’ll text. You’ll visit. And if you drift, if you don’t call, if there’s no texts, if there’s no visits. I’ll know. I’ll know it was never meant to be. And I will continue moving on. And I’m going to walk tall. But in between everything I will forget, I won’t forget the lesson I’ve learned. I won’t forget the feeling of loving someone. I won’t forget the feeling of thinking I’m loved. And I will certainly not forget the hell I was put through to learn all this, to become a better person.

"My heart didn’t break into a thousand pieces after he left. Instead, I realized all the things he didn’t do. He didn’t want to hear my stories. He didn’t ask me questions. He didn’t smile when I was talking to him. He didn’t hug me out of the blue to make me feel good. His hugs were always a preamble to something else and after he was gone, I wondered if he ever knew me at all."

I've realized that I shouldn’t worry about one thing too much, because I still have the rest of my life ahead of me. Things change, people change, but it doesn’t mean you should forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means accepting that some things just weren’t meant to be.

It’s crazy, right?

To love someone who’s hurt you?

It’s crazier to think that

someone who hurts you loves you.

Some of us say we'd rather have something than have nothing at all. But the truth is, to have something halfway is harder than to have nothing at all.

Oh I'm sorry;

I forgot I only exist to you when you need something from me.

LOVERS, by Elaine Voon.

Lovers, why do you fight & tear your love apart?
The Moon weeps for you as he watches such wretchedness.
Lovers, will you not let your squanders pass?
As the Sun refuses to shine if he sees your loving fade.
Lovers, forgive & forget for love is patient & kind.
Bring no more sorrow, bring no more pain.
Bring no more suffering, for there is no gain.
Lovers, cherish each other you must.
For love is not easily found like the pebbles by the river.
So lovers, will you not cease this fighting,
And embrace the love you have for each other.

Flying freeeee!

Hello blogging world. Sorry for not updating consistently. I only feel the need to blog when I'm feeling bored, like how I'm feeling now. But hey hey, no complains here. I love this feeling more than ever atm because for a change in 3wks, I'm actually feeling bored. Wheee! :D

Today is the official start of my sembreak. I think I have about 3wks of hols? Somehow I wish I had more time, but I better not be asking for too much because I know I'll get bored of feeling bored. LOL. But I think I won't be feeling bored during this sembreak coz I kinda sorta have things mentally planned out for myself.

Things-To-Do:

1. GO TO THE GYM! If possible, EVERYDAY!

-I seriously need to get back in shape coz I'm so out of shape. Then again, I was always out of shape. But now I'm even more out of shape!

2. SATISFYING CRAVINGS!

-I need to have Ayam Penyet, McD's Double Cheese Burger & Tutti Frutti. So far, these are the food I'm craving for.

3. EAT HEALTHY!

-Been eating way too much junk in Kampar. Maggie after maggie after maggie noodles. Homemade indon mee goreng. Nasi lemak ayam. Loads of Ribena. All junk junk junk!

4. YUMCHA!

-Another term for "catching up". So far, I know I only have yumcha plans with Emily, Eliza & Aik Khuan. Hmmm, whoever who knows me feels like catching up, call me! :)

5. SHOPPING!

-I am in dire need of new clothes. Like seriously, I think this is the one semester of my uni life that I did not go shopping every single month. I think I only shopped with my mum like...ONCE in FOUR MONTHS! Wow, I've hit my record.

6. READING!

-Gonna go do some 'catching up' with Novel Hut to see if I can find more of Judith McNaught's novels. Or maybe I'll just re-read all her novels that I own atm.

7. LAZE AROUND AT HOME!

-Catch up with sleep. Catch up on movies. Watch tv all day long. Stuck on Facebook, Twitter, MSN day & night. No problem with me! Heh.

8. DO SOMETHING WITH MY HAIR!

-I think my hair is in serious need of a haircut, hair treatment & hair colouring. Haven't had a haircut in like 5mths? And my hair feels so unhealthy, it's not smooth. And I'm disgusted at looking at half black half brownish-gold hair already. Need just ONE colour, not a few. Lol.

I think that's enough for 3wks. Achievable no? :)

-out